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Are you not entertained?
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And this is what you think of us.
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O tempora! O mores!
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Salvete! Minerva here—
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esteemed Roman goddess of reason, wisdom, handicrafts, and war.
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It’s come to my attention that many of you have been thinking about Ancient Rome...
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a lot.
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But how much do you really know?
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I’ll be the judge.
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Let’s play a little game I like to call duo vera et mendacium!
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Or, to the rest of you: two truths and a lie.
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Let's meet our three brave contestants.
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And let’s show them what they’re playing for!
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An all-expense paid cruise aboard one of Caligula’s pleasure barges!
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Prepare to be wined and dined on a trip you’ll never forget—
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well, you’ll probably forget.
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As for the losers...
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The die is cast! Prepare to spot the lie!
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A. Gladiators had their own guilds.
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B. Most gladiatorial fights ended before anyone died.
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C. Gladiators were from an enslaved class.
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And I thought this was an easy one.
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It’s true that from their introduction around the 3rd century BCE,
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Roman gladiators were often enslaved or convicted criminals,
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but this changed by the 1st century CE.
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After the opening of the Colosseum in 80 CE,
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freemen and former soldiers began signing up for a life in the arena,
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lured by the potential for fame and regular employment.
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They even formed their own guilds,
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which organized funerals and provided pensions
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for gladiators’ families if they were to die.
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But it took a lot of time and money to train a gladiator,
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so it wouldn’t make any sense to have them fighting to the death—
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at least not all the time.
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Moving on to fashion:
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A. The toga was the cornerstone of daily Roman dress.
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B. Many Roman women wore dresses made with Chinese silk.
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C. Urine was the primary laundry detergent for Roman clothes.
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While male Roman citizens did wear togas,
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they were strictly for ceremonial and official events.
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And they were worn over clothing, like tunics, never on their own.
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That would be indecent.
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As indecent as some writers called the flimsy Chinese silk dresses
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that became fashionable amongst upper class Roman women
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in the 1st century CE.
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And finally, the ammonia in urine
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does indeed make for an excellent stain-fighting solution,
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which is why Roman launderers often placed buckets on street corners
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to collect the urine of passersby.
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That reminds me, next question!
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A. Many Roman homes featured a vomitorium,
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a room where people could vomit after overindulging.
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B. The Pythagoreans,
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who followed the teachings of the Greek mathematician Pythagoras,
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embraced a vegetarian diet.
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C. A favorite Roman condiment was sauce made from fermented fish guts.
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While vomit and vomitoria come from the same root,
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meaning “to spew forth,”
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a vomitorium is simply a passage through which spectators spewed
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from amphitheaters or arenas into the street.
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Purging was a common medical treatment,
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but it certainly wasn't prescribed to make room for more fish gut sauce.
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As for Pythagoras, there were more than three sides to the man,
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I’ll have you know.
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He was a philosopher, and his followers embraced his belief
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that eating animal flesh increased aggressive behavior.
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We’re all tied up.
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But this last question is sure to separate the true Romano-files
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from the Romano-flakes.
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A. The city of Rome was sacked twice during the 5th century CE.
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B. The last western Roman emperor was Romulus Augustulus.
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C. The Roman Empire fell in 476 CE.
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Just as I thought!
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The very idea that Rome fell is... complicated.
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It’s true that by 476 the empire looked very different.
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By the 4th century,
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it had permanently split into eastern and western halves,
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each with its own emperor.
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The last emperor in the west, Romulus Augustulus,
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was overthrown in 476 CE in a military coup.
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But the Germanic general who replaced him didn’t make sweeping changes.
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Roman political and cultural life endured, and military conquests continued—
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at least until the eastern Emperor Justinian
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led a devastating invasion of Italy in the 530s.
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In the east, the Roman Empire survived for a thousand years,
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becoming what you now call the Byzantine Empire.
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That makes contestant number 3 our big winner!
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Enjoy the spoils!
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As for our losers, better luck next time.
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Here's hoping there is one.